i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
kristin has been a bad kristin
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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