Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
this boner is exhausting
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
