so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
