nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
