'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
