I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
