I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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