Say something about gay babies.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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