You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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