Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I love having hate sex.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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