I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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