I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
