dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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