You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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