I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
