I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
