I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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