HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
