Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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