I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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