there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
did you just send me my own nude
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
