you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I love you.
Bad choice
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
