I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
