i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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