yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
