i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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