Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
