Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
