He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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