her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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