I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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