recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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