You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How external is "for external use only"?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
