he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
