I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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