her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
