haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
