he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
