margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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