i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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