forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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