dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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