I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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