physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
