Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
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