Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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