sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
