fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
