Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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