is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
