dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
