Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
