We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
