There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hello my rib-scented angel!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
