dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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