Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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