I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
