You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
