I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
