My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
barbara walters just said penis...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
