oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
