this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
