new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
