I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
