He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
