sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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