thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
