YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
