turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
