I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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