Don't make out with my wife yet
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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